Fostering Futures℠
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Our mission is to engage and expand our audience by delivering thought-provoking material that focuses on key areas crucial to the development and well-being of all youth. Through our discussions, we aim to provide insights that are not only relevant but also transformative.
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Fostering Futures℠
Episode 10 - From Red to Green: How Emotional Intelligence Shapes How We Show Up
In this insightful and practical episode, host Athena Cordero welcomes Tarron Riley, longtime supervisor and clinician at Desert Mountain Children’s Center (DMCC), for a deep dive into emotional intelligence (EI). What it is, why it matters, and how to use it in real life. Drawing on two decades of clinical work with adolescents, anger management, and family systems, Tarron demystifies EI as a set of learnable abilities: recognizing emotions (in ourselves and others), understanding their causes and consequences, using emotions to meet the moment, and regulating them effectively.
Together, Athena and Tarron unpack accessible tools like the Mood Meter (red/blue/yellow/green quadrants) and Tarron’s Anger Meter (1–10 scale) to help listeners identify their current state and intentionally “shift zones” for the task at hand. Whether that’s delivering tough news as a leader, preparing for a presentation, or coming home to family after a hard day. Through real examples from on-the-job calls to a father–son round of golf, Tarron shows how self-awareness, social awareness, and co-regulation transform conflict into connection, and reaction into choice. The result is a compelling invitation to practice EI daily so teams communicate better, classrooms run calmer, and relationships grow stronger.
🔑 Highlights & Takeaways
- EI, defined (the ability model):
Identify emotions, understand their drivers, use emotions to support goals, and regulate/co-regulate effectively. These are skills, not fixed traits—meaning they can be taught and improved over time. - The Mood Meter (quick map):
- Red: High energy, unpleasant (e.g., anger, panic). Useful for urgency/advocacy—when channeled.
- Blue: Low energy, unpleasant (e.g., sad, discouraged). Surprisingly great for detail work (auditing, proofreading).
- Yellow: High energy, pleasant (e.g., excited, inspired). Broadens focus—great for brainstorming and engagement.
- Green: Low energy, pleasant (e.g., calm, content). Best for reflection, consensus-building, and presenting with poise.
- Name it to tame it:
Self-awareness comes first. Label what you’re feeling before choosing strategies. The Anger Meter (1–10) and an emotion vocabulary list make this easier. - Leader playbook (before the meeting):
Read the room → anticipate how news may shift emotions → decide the target zone you want the group in → tailor your delivery and pace to guide them there. Follow with support and clarity. - Create space between trigger and tongue:
When you feel the red zone rising, pause, breathe, step back if needed. Respond deliberately instead of reacting impulsively. - Co-regulation in action:
Use tone, pacing, and empathy to help others shift—without invalidating their feelings. Check assumptions with gentle questions. - Everyday practice beats one-time insight:
Consistent, small reps (micro-check-ins, mood labeling, reframing self-talk) lead to long-term change in teams, classrooms, and families. - Practical starter tools:
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00:00:09 Intro
The relentless pursuit of whatever works in the life of a child.
00:00:18 Athena Cordero
Welcome to Fostering Futures with CAHELP, a podcast dedicated to our relentless pursuit of whatever works in the life of a child.
00:00:26 Athena Cordero
I'm your host, Athena Cordero, inviting you to join me and countless others as we share our unique perspectives and expertise in the world of special education, behavioral health, social-emotional well-being, and community.
00:00:39 Athena Cordero
Follow us on Buzzsprout, Spotify, and Apple Podcasts.
00:00:45 Athena Cordero
Okay, everyone, I'm Athena Cordero here today with Tarron Riley.
00:00:50 Athena Cordero
We're going to be talking about emotional intelligence.
00:00:54 Athena Cordero
I have to say, Tarron, just right
00:00:56 Athena Cordero
right out the gate.
00:00:57 Athena Cordero
I took this training with you when I was with the prevention intervention team, and I loved it.
00:01:03 Athena Cordero
I loved everything about it.
00:01:04 Athena Cordero
I think it's super helpful, beneficial to everybody, whether you're in a leadership role, a student, teacher, parent, everyone can use this.
00:01:12 Athena Cordero
So I'm really hoping that listeners pull something away today that they can use, and I believe they will.
00:01:17 Tarron Riley
Well, thank you.
00:01:18 Athena Cordero
Thank you.
00:01:19 Athena Cordero
You're welcome.
00:01:19 Athena Cordero
Why don't you tell us a little bit about yourself?
00:01:21 Athena Cordero
How long have you been here with CA Health?
00:01:25 Tarron Riley
I've been here 20 years.
00:01:28 Tarron Riley
This year made 20 years for me.
00:01:30 Athena Cordero
Congratulations.
00:01:31 Tarron Riley
Well, thank you.
00:01:33 Tarron Riley
I've been in the supervisor role, I think, for about 13 years.
00:01:38 Tarron Riley
So I've been in this role longer than I've been in the clinician role, but I started here as a clinician.
00:01:42 Athena Cordero
Okay.
00:01:43 Athena Cordero
What area, what was your focus at that time?
00:01:46 Tarron Riley
As a clinician.
00:01:48 Tarron Riley
I was working with the older kids in junior high and high school.
00:01:53 Tarron Riley
I focused a lot at the time on anger management, which kind of segue into the EI topic.
00:02:00 Athena Cordero
I see the connection.
00:02:01 Tarron Riley
The connection, right?
00:02:03 Tarron Riley
So I think about eight years I was working with that population and then I got, I stumbled onto drug court, which was something that was totally new for me and different.
00:02:12 Athena Cordero
What is that?
00:02:13 Tarron Riley
Drug court.
00:02:14 Tarron Riley
was a program that we had at DMCC where we provided treatment services to the students who had a criminal history and a severe drug problem.
00:02:25 Tarron Riley
Wow.
00:02:26 Tarron Riley
And so we would- I didn't know we had that.
00:02:28 Tarron Riley
Yeah, it's been a while since we've had that, but our focus was enhancing their lives through psychoeducation, drug and alcohol counseling, anger management, family therapy and counseling.
00:02:43 Tarron Riley
and we had a recreation component to it as well.
00:02:46 Athena Cordero
That's awesome.
00:02:46 Athena Cordero
So you said DMCC.
00:02:48 Athena Cordero
Can you tell our listeners what DMCC is?
00:02:50 Tarron Riley
Sure, Desert Mountain Children's Center.
00:02:52 Athena Cordero
Okay, and what do you guys do at Desert Mountain Children's Center?
00:02:55 Tarron Riley
Well, we provide an array of services to students who have social, emotional challenges, behavioral challenges.
00:03:04 Tarron Riley
We provide ERMS services, which stands for Educationally Related Mental Health Services.
00:03:09 Tarron Riley
And so if there are social, emotional, behavioral things that are creating an adverse impact on their educational experience, our ERMS counselors will provide those services to address those needs, basically.
00:03:22 Athena Cordero
Okay, so you guys are like our little group of superheroes here at CAHELP for kiddos.
00:03:28 Tarron Riley
Well, we like to think or hope that our service is received that way.
00:03:32 Athena Cordero
I'm going to appreciate the humility, Charon, in your response.
00:03:36 Athena Cordero
Okay.
00:03:37 Athena Cordero
Okay.
00:03:37 Athena Cordero
So thanks for sharing a little bit about your background.
00:03:41 Athena Cordero
Today, we're going to focus more on emotional intelligence, kind of help people understand exactly what it is, maybe debunk a couple of things about it, and hopefully folks can take away some strategies that they can use.
00:03:54 Athena Cordero
So just to get us started,
00:03:57 Athena Cordero
Can you give us a definition?
00:03:59 Athena Cordero
Like what is emotional intelligence?
00:04:01 Tarron Riley
So emotional intelligence, or EI as we abbreviated, it basically refers to identifying emotions in oneself and in others, understanding emotions, how to understand the clauses and consequences of emotions, having an emotional vocabulary to label how you feel, but most importantly, how do you express those feelings and emotions to others?
00:04:28 Tarron Riley
The other part involves having skills or strategies to regulate emotions.
00:04:34 Tarron Riley
So EI is about the self-awareness, identifying how you feel, how other people feel, how to express and communicate those feelings, but how to regulate and co-regulate those emotions in a personal context.
00:04:47 Athena Cordero
So
00:04:49 Athena Cordero
I'm just gonna go ahead and say that sounds heavy.
00:04:53 Athena Cordero
And for someone who doesn't have a history or experience in therapy, they might hear that and go, if I'm irritated with somebody or ticked off or whatever, you want me to stop and identify what that is and put a name to it?
00:05:10 Athena Cordero
How do I, and I guess that's where co-regulation and identifying the feelings come in.
00:05:16 Athena Cordero
Give me just an example of what, I got the definition, it's making sense to me, but give me an example, like real life.
00:05:25 Tarron Riley
Of.
00:05:26 Athena Cordero
How I could label the emotion in myself, let's say.
00:05:32 Athena Cordero
I realize there's something going on right now in my body.
00:05:34 Athena Cordero
I know I'm feeling something.
00:05:36 Athena Cordero
What's something that I could do?
00:05:38 Tarron Riley
Well, I think what you're describing is
00:05:42 Tarron Riley
actually an ability, one of the EI skills, which is self-awareness.
00:05:45 Athena Cordero
Okay.
00:05:46 Tarron Riley
And so if I had to kind of water it down and say, hey, this is one skill that you can really hone or try to develop from an EI standpoint, it's the self-awareness.
00:05:56 Tarron Riley
And in layman's terms, it basically means just being attuned to what your body is telling you, what your thoughts are telling you, that inner voice, the inner dialogue, and from that, what emotion is being generated.
00:06:10 Tarron Riley
And I think most importantly, how are you then showing up in the relationship context with that emotional experience that you're having?
00:06:18 Tarron Riley
So the self-awareness is what I'm saying is is important to being able to identify how you're feeling and how you're showing up.
00:06:24 Athena Cordero
And that's just one part.
00:06:26 Athena Cordero
Self-awareness is just one part of emotional intelligence.
00:06:28 Athena Cordero
It feels like there's more.
00:06:30 Athena Cordero
So here's what here's how I'm going to try to walk through this as someone who's just heard about it.
00:06:36 Athena Cordero
And so now I've got the definition.
00:06:39 Athena Cordero
Can you
00:06:40 Athena Cordero
Because I want to apply this to myself, right, in this moment.
00:06:42 Athena Cordero
So can you tell me what maybe sparked your interest even in emotional intelligence?
00:06:46 Athena Cordero
Like, what about it stood out to you, made you want to learn more about it, try to use it.
00:06:50 Tarron Riley
Okay.
00:06:51 Tarron Riley
I think it probably came from the work that I've done as a clinician and as a therapist and having a specialty area and a focus on anger management, emotion regulation, and relationship enhancement.
00:07:06 Tarron Riley
EI, or emotional intelligence, naturally fits into that realm of how we experience emotion, how emotions show up in communication and interaction with others.
00:07:20 Tarron Riley
So I think that was kind of a natural joining, right, of interest, but also my social work roots in terms of, you know, having the value system of the importance of the person and the environment and that dynamic interplay between the two.
00:07:36 Tarron Riley
And then there's emotion that underline the individual and the social environment.
00:07:41 Tarron Riley
And our social work value tells us that it's very important to understand not just an individual or just the social environment, but the interplay between the two.
00:07:53 Tarron Riley
And that's where emotions come in.
00:07:55 Athena Cordero
It kind of reminds me of a video we used to use with prevention and intervention where you see a bunch of people walking around on a campus, kids, teachers,
00:08:05 Athena Cordero
custodians and they all have a bubble over their head of what's going on in their life.
00:08:11 Athena Cordero
And if we could see that, right, if we knew we could see that, then when they bump you in the hall or something like that, you might be more inclined to be forgiving.
00:08:20 Athena Cordero
But we don't know, we have no idea what is going on.
00:08:23 Athena Cordero
But it sounds like what you're saying is if you're trying to apply emotional intelligence, you're taking those things into consideration without even knowing what's in that bubble, you know, above the person's head.
00:08:33 Athena Cordero
That's how I'm imagining it.
00:08:34 Tarron Riley
Yeah, and so you may not know what's inside the bubble, but if you're using an EI skill of making observations and reading nonverbal cues, right, you're looking at posture, body language, facial expression, those are all EI abilities, right?
00:08:49 Tarron Riley
Like self-
00:08:50 Tarron Riley
mean, awareness, their self-awareness and then their social awareness.
00:08:53 Athena Cordero
Okay.
00:08:54 Tarron Riley
So when I said, you know, that first ability of being able to recognize how you feel, the other part is recognizing how others feel and how they're experiencing emotion.
00:09:03 Tarron Riley
So you may not have the content in their bubble, but you can see that they're hunched over, their affect is kind of low or they seem depressed kind of a thing.
00:09:15 Tarron Riley
Yeah.
00:09:16 Tarron Riley
Maybe they seem anxious.
00:09:17 Tarron Riley
So you're reading and that
00:09:20 Tarron Riley
will tell you something about their emotional life, at least in that moment.
00:09:24 Tarron Riley
And in EI, we always talk about how emotions contain data.
00:09:28 Tarron Riley
It's information.
00:09:29 Tarron Riley
So when you glean someone else's emotional experience, what is that telling you?
00:09:34 Tarron Riley
Is that telling you, here's an opportunity for me to convey empathy?
00:09:38 Tarron Riley
Is it telling me to check in with them about how they feel because maybe I'm not accurate?
00:09:43 Tarron Riley
And by the way,
00:09:45 Tarron Riley
A high level of EI is not just about identifying emotions.
00:09:48 Tarron Riley
It's about being accurate in your identification So in other words not misreading right the room or misreading what the face is saying or what the body language is saying.
00:09:59 Athena Cordero
So Can you and again?
00:10:03 Athena Cordero
I really want people to see how this plays out in real life.
00:10:06 Athena Cordero
Can you give me an example?
00:10:07 Athena Cordero
Do you use this?
00:10:08 Athena Cordero
How do you use this in your life?
00:10:10 Tarron Riley
Well, II shows up like every
00:10:13 Tarron Riley
I think I mean I think it's one of those things where it's always around but if you're not aware of it as a model as a concept Then you're just not attuned to it, right?
00:10:25 Tarron Riley
It's like being mindful when you're in the environment and you drive by things a million times if you're not mindful and you're not paying attention that these trees are there Or this fence is there or there's a barrier until you notice it and then you're mindful of it then it's like oh, I'm
00:10:41 Tarron Riley
I can acknowledge that, okay, now I can appreciate that, I can value that.
00:10:45 Tarron Riley
Well, EI is kind of the same thing.
00:10:47 Tarron Riley
It shows up every day, you know, my life.
00:10:51 Tarron Riley
For example, I mean, there's just so many examples, so I'll use just the most recent.
00:10:57 Athena Cordero
Okay.
00:10:57 Tarron Riley
Before coming over here, you know, I was kind of in this space of just trying to be in the headspace to come and have a conversation about EI, reviewing some notes, those kinds of things.
00:11:09 Tarron Riley
But I'm also at work, and so I get, you know, at 8:30, I get a call from my supervisor, direct call.
00:11:17 Tarron Riley
And usually, you know, if I get a call from her, then it's like, all right, something's going on.
00:11:23 Tarron Riley
Something's going on, right?
00:11:23 Tarron Riley
We gotta address something.
00:11:26 Tarron Riley
It's not just, hey, how you doing?
00:11:28 Tarron Riley
You know, what are you having for lunch kind of a thing.
00:11:30 Tarron Riley
So I'm like, oh, the timing.
00:11:32 Tarron Riley
So I had to take the call, and I noticed her EI skill were in play because she said,
00:11:38 Tarron Riley
She said I sounded a certain way, which I did when I answered the phone, because I was in this mode.
00:11:44 Tarron Riley
I was in this mode.
00:11:44 Tarron Riley
I was in this green zone.
00:11:46 Athena Cordero
Okay.
00:11:46 Tarron Riley
You know, chatting.
00:11:47 Athena Cordero
We're gonna talk about what the green zone, right?
00:11:49 Athena Cordero
Yeah, we'll get there.
00:11:49 Tarron Riley
So I was in that space.
00:11:52 Tarron Riley
And typically, when we're dealing with things,
00:11:56 Tarron Riley
we're in this space sometimes up in the red, and not in negative, but just there's high energy, there's passion, there's concern, we have to address an issue, and we got to go, go, go.
00:12:07 Tarron Riley
So that's kind of like red zone flow for me.
00:12:10 Tarron Riley
So I was thinking I was going to be thrusted into the red zone when I can't show up for this conversation in the red because it's not conducive, right?
00:12:22 Tarron Riley
And so I was thinking I have to
00:12:25 Tarron Riley
use self-regulation skills depending on what she's going to say, and I have to be able to regulate and stay in the space that I need to stay at.
00:12:32 Tarron Riley
And so that was like EI.
00:12:35 Tarron Riley
in practice on my part, I was self-aware.
00:12:38 Tarron Riley
I knew where I was and where I needed to stay.
00:12:41 Tarron Riley
I knew where the phone call could potentially shift me to.
00:12:45 Tarron Riley
But I also recognized my supervisor's level of EI because we were on the phone and she detected my tone and my voice and commented on it.
00:12:53 Tarron Riley
So that's what I was talking about, recognizing the emotions and the space of others as well.
00:12:58 Athena Cordero
That's a perfect example.
00:12:59 Athena Cordero
I mean, and in real time, it just happened.
00:13:02 Tarron Riley
Before you walked in here, that was only one out of two.
00:13:05 Tarron Riley
Then I got
00:13:05 Tarron Riley
a call from a clinician that I supervise as well.
00:13:08 Athena Cordero
Wow, okay.
00:13:09 Tarron Riley
And well, she texts, can I give you a call?
00:13:11 Tarron Riley
And I'm thinking, again, I know where I can go, somewhere out of the green.
00:13:16 Tarron Riley
But oftentimes, a student is in crisis.
00:13:19 Tarron Riley
Yeah.
00:13:19 Tarron Riley
You know, there's things we have to tend to and address and problem solve and safety plan.
00:13:27 Tarron Riley
So there's a lot of high level, high priority needs that we're dealing with on a day-to-day basis.
00:13:33 Athena Cordero
It sounds like there's a lot of transition, too, that you have to be aware of if you want to bring your best self to what it is you're doing at that time.
00:13:42 Tarron Riley
Yeah, absolutely.
00:13:43 Athena Cordero
Okay, so we're going to get into the green zone, the red zone.
00:13:46 Athena Cordero
So folks know we are looking, Toron, at the table right now because I have in front of us the mood meter.
00:13:54 Athena Cordero
And then I also have
00:13:56 Athena Cordero
another printout that kind of shows you what those quadrants represent, right?
00:14:02 Athena Cordero
So can you walk us through how to break this down?
00:14:05 Athena Cordero
The mood meter, the quadrants, you earlier were talking about self-awareness.
00:14:08 Athena Cordero
We need to get like a full picture of that.
00:14:10 Tarron Riley
Right, and so generally speaking, when we talk about emotional intelligence and that first ability of recognizing and identifying how you feel.
00:14:18 Athena Cordero
Right.
00:14:19 Tarron Riley
The mood meter is simply a tool to help us get to that point, right?
00:14:24 Tarron Riley
So that's a tool for us to gauge where we're at.
00:14:27 Tarron Riley
I also created what I call an anger meter, but you can replace the emotion with any emotion.
00:14:33 Tarron Riley
I use the anger meter because it's a common experience that people have.
00:14:37 Tarron Riley
That one goes from 1 to 10 and it has three colors.
00:14:41 Tarron Riley
green, yellow, and red.
00:14:43 Athena Cordero
Okay.
00:14:44 Tarron Riley
And the numbers are one through 10.
00:14:45 Tarron Riley
So basically, if you are one, you have low anger.
00:14:48 Tarron Riley
If you have a 10, you're like raging, you know, angry kind of a thing.
00:14:52 Athena Cordero
Right.
00:14:52 Tarron Riley
And it kind of corresponds with the mood meter, but the mood meter focuses on two different, you know, domains.
00:15:01 Athena Cordero
Okay.
00:15:01 Tarron Riley
Our physiology, our energy level,
00:15:05 Tarron Riley
And so if we say that our energy level is high, that will be like a plus five.
00:15:10 Athena Cordero
Okay.
00:15:10 Tarron Riley
Anything that's plus five and high will be up in this red quadrant over here.
00:15:15 Tarron Riley
Anything that's low, if my energy is a one or a two, then I will be in the blue, which is the lower left quadrant.
00:15:23 Athena Cordero
Okay.
00:15:24 Tarron Riley
Anything, I mean, on the bottom is our emotional state or our feeling in terms of being pleasant or unpleasant.
00:15:32 Athena Cordero
Okay.
00:15:32 Tarron Riley
Okay.
00:15:32 Tarron Riley
Or unpleasant to pleasant, right?
00:15:34 Tarron Riley
And so negative five would be very unpleasant emotional state at this time.
00:15:40 Tarron Riley
A plus five would be a positive feeling or emotional state, very pleasant.
00:15:46 Tarron Riley
And so high emotion or pleasant feeling and high energy would put us in the yellow.
00:15:55 Athena Cordero
Okay.
00:15:56 Tarron Riley
Okay, which is at the top.
00:15:57 Tarron Riley
And at the bottom is green.
00:15:59 Athena Cordero
Okay, so I'm going to describe what the mood meter, what you just said, I'm gonna try to give people a visual area.
00:16:05 Athena Cordero
We're looking at a quadrant, so four squares that make up one big square.
00:16:09 Tarron Riley
Right.
00:16:10 Athena Cordero
And the top, let me make sure I got this right.
00:16:13 Athena Cordero
The top left quadrant is the red zone.
00:16:17 Athena Cordero
The bottom left quadrant is blue.
00:16:20 Athena Cordero
The top right quadrant
00:16:22 Athena Cordero
quadrant is yellow, and the bottom right quadrant is green.
00:16:26 Athena Cordero
Right.
00:16:27 Athena Cordero
Did I do that right?
00:16:27 Tarron Riley
Absolutely.
00:16:28 Athena Cordero
Okay, perfect.
00:16:29 Athena Cordero
And so high energy at the very top, so from plus one to plus five, you're looking at the red and the yellow zones up there.
00:16:39 Athena Cordero
And if it's low energy, you're looking at the blue and the green zones.
00:16:44 Athena Cordero
If it's a very unpleasant feeling, you're looking more towards red and blue side.
00:16:50 Athena Cordero
And if it's a very high pleasant feeling, it's more yellow and green.
00:16:54 Tarron Riley
You nailed it.
00:16:55 Athena Cordero
Did I?
00:16:55 Tarron Riley
Perfect.
00:16:55 Athena Cordero
Okay, perfect.
00:16:56 Athena Cordero
Okay, so in that then...
00:16:59 Athena Cordero
when you're managing these colors, right?
00:17:01 Athena Cordero
Like you're trying to go back and forth here.
00:17:03 Athena Cordero
What can happen in the red?
00:17:06 Athena Cordero
Like what can happen in the red zone?
00:17:08 Athena Cordero
What does that look like?
00:17:09 Tarron Riley
Well, I think first of all, it's acknowledging or knowing that the red zone is filled with a certain, you know, kind of category or continuum of emotions.
00:17:19 Tarron Riley
Okay.
00:17:20 Tarron Riley
And those can be,
00:17:22 Tarron Riley
Range from being enraged to worried Troubled repulsed frightened furious panicked all those, you know mad angry right, you know red zone emotions But I think one thing that's important to know about the red zone is that people automatically think that It has a negative connotation like if you're in the red because it has anger and frustration and irritation and annoyance.
00:17:45 Tarron Riley
Yeah, but That's not necessarily the case because
00:17:50 Tarron Riley
there are instances or certain contexts in life where we need that type of energy, that type of drive, and that type of passion and motivation in order to address things like social injustice, right?
00:18:04 Tarron Riley
Or if we're advocating or fighting for a particular cause, we need to have that kind of fire.
00:18:09 Athena Cordero
Or surviving something.
00:18:11 Tarron Riley
Or surviving something.
00:18:12 Athena Cordero
Yeah, increased, and you've got a heightened sense of awareness, right?
00:18:15 Athena Cordero
Okay.
00:18:16 Tarron Riley
Right.
00:18:17 Athena Cordero
Gotcha.
00:18:18 Athena Cordero
What about,
00:18:19 Athena Cordero
Let's pick another one.
00:18:20 Athena Cordero
What about the green zone?
00:18:22 Tarron Riley
So green would be an example of a person who has low energy but pleasant mood.
00:18:28 Athena Cordero
Okay.
00:18:29 Tarron Riley
And so a lot of people are familiar with like yoga.
00:18:32 Tarron Riley
And so that would be like a yoga space, right?
00:18:35 Tarron Riley
Where we're primed to be more likely to be self-reflective and introspective if we're in the green zone.
00:18:43 Tarron Riley
Okay, now we can do things like gang consensus and agreement.
00:18:48 Tarron Riley
Like I said, self-reflection.
00:18:49 Athena Cordero
Right.
00:18:50 Tarron Riley
And if you're going to do a presentation or something like that, that's a good space for you to kind of be in green.
00:18:56 Athena Cordero
So in your example, you got this phone call from your supervisor.
00:19:01 Athena Cordero
You were probably trying to be in the green zone before you came in here.
00:19:04 Tarron Riley
I wasn't.
00:19:04 Athena Cordero
You were in the green zone.
00:19:06 Athena Cordero
I wasn't.
00:19:06 Athena Cordero
I'm in here and talk about emotional intelligence.
00:19:09 Athena Cordero
Soon as the phone rings and you see the name, you probably jump to red, thinking maybe something's up.
00:19:19 Tarron Riley
There was an inclination, a thought that I was going to be thrusted into red.
00:19:26 Athena Cordero
Okay.
00:19:27 Tarron Riley
But I was able to self-regulate and manage.
00:19:30 Tarron Riley
And I intentionally answered the phone with a green zone tone.
00:19:34 Athena Cordero
Yeah.
00:19:34 Tarron Riley
She recognized that.
00:19:36 Tarron Riley
And it wasn't that she was, she didn't give me anything that was,
00:19:41 Tarron Riley
troublesome or anything.
00:19:42 Tarron Riley
It was just kind of like a heads up kind of a thing.
00:19:44 Tarron Riley
So it kind of worked out where I was able to kind of stay in the space.
00:19:49 Tarron Riley
I kind of let her know what I was, the zone I was in, I was in preparation for.
00:19:53 Tarron Riley
So that's what she detected.
00:19:55 Tarron Riley
But there was a tendency for me to shift or be thrusted.
00:19:59 Tarron Riley
I'm saying being thrusted because it wasn't going to be a conscious shift.
00:20:04 Tarron Riley
It was going to be a trigger.
00:20:05 Tarron Riley
Yeah, it was going to be a trigger.
00:20:08 Tarron Riley
And so
00:20:10 Tarron Riley
But I was able to prepare for that in case she gave me something, I was gonna be able to use strategies, internal strategies to stay regulated, or if I needed to kind of match where she was at temporarily, temporarily engaged, but then I would have to quickly engage in strategies, strategies to shift back to the green so I can show up here.
00:20:32 Athena Cordero
Okay, so that was a perfect example, again.
00:20:36 Athena Cordero
of how the red zone and the green zone applied to just before you even walked in there, right?
00:20:41 Athena Cordero
Let's try to do, let's see if we can come up with another example from the blue and the yellow.
00:20:46 Athena Cordero
Okay, so the blue zone is not as pleasant and low energy.
00:20:53 Tarron Riley
Low energy, unpleasant mood.
00:20:55 Athena Cordero
Low energy, unpleasant mood.
00:20:57 Athena Cordero
Okay, that doesn't sound like a space I would want to be in.
00:21:01 Athena Cordero
So tell me, is there some things, are there some things that
00:21:05 Athena Cordero
I could do in that zone where this space would be helpful.
00:21:10 Tarron Riley
Yeah, so what research studies have shown is that being in that blue quadrant, low energy, unpleasant mood, you can already be prying for some pretty task-oriented or goal-oriented tasks, I should say, such as auditing a document or auditing a chart, proofreading
00:21:34 Tarron Riley
a document.
00:21:35 Tarron Riley
I mean, we have audits all the time, you know, in the work that we do.
00:21:38 Athena Cordero
Yes.
00:21:39 Tarron Riley
From our contracting entities or the entities that we contract with.
00:21:44 Tarron Riley
They audit, they come through and do an audit and we're always constantly have to audit our charts to make sure that things are appropriate.
00:21:52 Tarron Riley
And so the thing with EI is that knowing what space to be in to achieve the goal
00:22:00 Tarron Riley
is essential.
00:22:02 Tarron Riley
And so if I'm trying to audit a chart and I'm in the yellow where I have high energy, I'm super excited, you know, I'm pumped up, the research shows that when we are in the yellow, we are, our focus is really broad, right?
00:22:19 Tarron Riley
And we're gonna miss details.
00:22:21 Athena Cordero
You're just open to everything.
00:22:22 Tarron Riley
You're open to everything.
00:22:23 Tarron Riley
And so when we are in the blue zone, we're kind of locked in
00:22:29 Tarron Riley
Our attention, our focus and memory is more narrow.
00:22:33 Athena Cordero
On the details.
00:22:33 Tarron Riley
On the details.
00:22:34 Tarron Riley
And so we're primed emotionally and cognitively to notice errors, to look at detail and to kind of point things out.
00:22:43 Tarron Riley
And that's one example of when we're in the blue, how we can align our mood state with a task, right, in the blue.
00:22:53 Athena Cordero
So this is very interesting.
00:22:56 Athena Cordero
I know people are probably glued in right now, okay, because you've given us some like real life examples.
00:23:02 Athena Cordero
The thing, how I want to really look at this now is how do we use this in our lives, you know, whether we're parents, here as professionals, that leadership role that you have, that a lot of us have here, that are educators of schools we work with,
00:23:24 Athena Cordero
How would we take emotional intelligence and use that to our benefit in a leadership role?
00:23:31 Athena Cordero
Because I heard you say your supervisor called and she actually modeled some emotional intelligence by checking in with you first.
00:23:38 Athena Cordero
She noticed your tone.
00:23:40 Athena Cordero
I feel like that's a great skill, you know, for a leader, a supervisor, someone managing a team to have.
00:23:46 Athena Cordero
But I can't imagine that it's easy.
00:23:48 Athena Cordero
You know, you'd have to practice to get good at it.
00:23:50 Athena Cordero
So what do you,
00:23:52 Athena Cordero
How do you feel like emotional intelligence can support the dynamics of a team, even when it comes to conflict resolution and all the things we have to deal with?
00:24:01 Tarron Riley
Right.
00:24:01 Tarron Riley
EI is big in the team context because you have individuals who comprise a team.
00:24:09 Athena Cordero
Right.
00:24:09 Tarron Riley
And I mean, you can just imagine that if you have a team,
00:24:13 Tarron Riley
full of individuals who have low EI, which means that they don't really have the ability to identify how they feel.
00:24:21 Tarron Riley
They don't have the emotional vocabulary to express how they feel.
00:24:25 Tarron Riley
They can't appropriately read how you feel, right?
00:24:29 Tarron Riley
And then they can't regulate or co-regulate the emotions that exist in a team discussion or interaction or a group project.
00:24:40 Tarron Riley
I think we can conclude that or assume that if those things are true, it's gonna have a negative impact on the team experience and the productivity, right, and the goals that are set forth.
00:24:53 Tarron Riley
So having the individuals will hire EI creates higher or greater success overall in the team and productivity, right?
00:25:01 Tarron Riley
Those things also impact morale, communication, and co-regulation, and those things are very important.
00:25:09 Athena Cordero
So, I mean, sounds great, Tarron, right?
00:25:14 Athena Cordero
Like that sounds great.
00:25:15 Athena Cordero
And you and I both know,
00:25:19 Athena Cordero
Not everybody can do that right out of the gate.
00:25:21 Athena Cordero
We can tell someone in a leadership role, if you had high emotional intelligence, these types of things would get easier over time.
00:25:30 Athena Cordero
So I guess what I'm asking is, can it be taught?
00:25:34 Tarron Riley
Yes, it can be.
00:25:36 Tarron Riley
Because emotional, the model that I was trained in through the Mesquite model.
00:25:41 Athena Cordero
Can you tell what's the Mesquite model?
00:25:42 Tarron Riley
Mesquite is the Mayor, Salovey, and Caruso Emotional Intelligence Test.
00:25:47 Athena Cordero
Okay.
00:25:48 Tarron Riley
And so their model has the four areas or domains that I've been talking about.
00:25:53 Athena Cordero
Okay.
00:25:54 Tarron Riley
Identifying and recognizing emotions, understanding emotions, using emotions, and then regulating emotions.
00:26:01 Tarron Riley
Those are like the four domains.
00:26:02 Tarron Riley
Okay.
00:26:04 Tarron Riley
they see those areas as abilities, rather than traits or characteristics.
00:26:12 Tarron Riley
Some other models, they look at, personality traits and self-esteem and those kinds of things.
00:26:18 Tarron Riley
And I think that, every model has, its place, right?
00:26:23 Tarron Riley
But this ability model essentially means that you have a skill set and this skill set, you have strengths and then you have shortcomings.
00:26:31 Tarron Riley
And so you can learn to build on those strengths, but you can also evolve those shortcomings as well.
00:26:37 Tarron Riley
So yes, the skills can be taught.
00:26:40 Tarron Riley
So if one believes that a person can learn more effective communication skills, well, that's part of an EI skill.
00:26:47 Tarron Riley
If you believe that you can learn how to cope better with stressful situations, that's part of an EI skill.
00:26:55 Tarron Riley
If you learn how to
00:26:58 Tarron Riley
be more self-aware and socially aware, that's an ability and a skill too.
00:27:04 Tarron Riley
And so this particular model assesses your strengths and shortcomings and kind of tells you, hey, this is what you are doing very well at, this is what you can continue to build on.
00:27:16 Tarron Riley
And then there's strategies and tools that we learn to practice, practice, practice in order to hone those skills.
00:27:24 Athena Cordero
It sounds like,
00:27:27 Athena Cordero
It sounds like if you're going to take this, try to apply it, you're never really done, right?
00:27:34 Athena Cordero
Like it's a constant practice and you're always working at it.
00:27:38 Athena Cordero
There's no check mark in emotional, like I'm emotionally intelligent, I'm finished.
00:27:44 Athena Cordero
I know what to do now.
00:27:45 Tarron Riley
No, it's like, I guess when you stop breathing, then you're done.
00:27:49 Athena Cordero
Gotcha.
00:27:49 Tarron Riley
Kind of a thing.
00:27:52 Tarron Riley
It's an ongoing thing, right?
00:27:54 Tarron Riley
And you know how people say like learning is a lifelong journey kind of a thing.
00:27:57 Tarron Riley
I mean, even a person who tests high or scores high or demonstrated they have high emotional intelligence, just having it, it's not enough, right?
00:28:08 Tarron Riley
We need to see that high EI leverage to foster healthy, constructive communication, healthy outcomes in relationships.
00:28:20 Tarron Riley
And so when we think about how do we know if a person doesn't have high EI, I would say, well, if you find that they're not leveraging or navigating their emotional life effectively in a constructive way, and they're not yielding healthy relationships and positive outcomes, then that can be an indication that they're not utilizing a high level of EI.
00:28:43 Athena Cordero
So
00:28:45 Athena Cordero
Again, and I'm trying to apply it to a real life, you know, situation for folks.
00:28:49 Athena Cordero
So let's go back to, you know, a supervisor, right?
00:28:53 Athena Cordero
You've got a team of, I don't know, 30, 40 people, and you know you have to give them some news that they're probably not going to enjoy, but it's necessary.
00:29:05 Athena Cordero
If I want to go into that meeting or that, you know, scenario being conscious,
00:29:13 Athena Cordero
you know, using emotional intelligence as a skill and making sure that I'm trying to keep those that I'm going to be speaking to, you know, I'm keeping them as, I'm holding them sensitively, right?
00:29:29 Athena Cordero
I know I would receive it bad.
00:29:31 Athena Cordero
I wouldn't want to hear this.
00:29:33 Athena Cordero
What are some steps that that supervisor can take using emotional intelligence to go into that scenario?
00:29:40 Tarron Riley
So I think the thing that pops up for me is,
00:29:43 Tarron Riley
what's your goal in terms of your end goal in delivering this information.
00:29:48 Tarron Riley
But one of the EI skills is understanding emotion.
00:29:51 Tarron Riley
Part of that means understanding how emotions are going to impact the situation and how emotions transition over time.
00:30:01 Tarron Riley
And so when you show up to present this information,
00:30:05 Tarron Riley
first reading the room, right?
00:30:07 Tarron Riley
Where are they already?
00:30:08 Tarron Riley
Are they in the yellow, upbeat?
00:30:10 Tarron Riley
Because I know the information I'm gonna present has the propensity to kind of bring them down, maybe into the blue.
00:30:18 Athena Cordero
Okay.
00:30:19 Tarron Riley
Right?
00:30:20 Tarron Riley
Or it can shift them over to the red because maybe they don't like the information that's being presented.
00:30:25 Tarron Riley
And then now they're angry and they're, or they're scared or fearful, all these things.
00:30:29 Tarron Riley
So it's like, what's the goal?
00:30:31 Tarron Riley
that you have, but where are they when you start?
00:30:33 Tarron Riley
Where would you like for them to be?
00:30:35 Tarron Riley
And so where would you like for them to be kind of spills into how you deliver the information, right?
00:30:43 Tarron Riley
And so if we understand the transition of emotions, we know that when I present this information, it can shift them or thrust them into a certain zone.
00:30:54 Tarron Riley
Maybe that's where I want them to be, maybe that's where I need them to be, because if I need them to be in the blue,
00:31:00 Tarron Riley
And I give this information, I may need them to empathize with the current financial situation of the organization, rather than them drawing a conclusion or a judgment about people not doing things right or trying to cast blame if I get them in the blue.
00:31:18 Tarron Riley
Right.
00:31:18 Tarron Riley
Then they can empathize with, you know, the challenges with productivity and contracts and things like that.
00:31:25 Tarron Riley
And so then they can see it from an administrative perspective rather than another angle, you know, that will be destructive.
00:31:34 Athena Cordero
And you explained that really well, Toron.
00:31:37 Athena Cordero
So I guess in, I'm thinking about being now not the leader, but the person in the room.
00:31:45 Athena Cordero
now I'm sitting in whatever zone that took me to, okay?
00:31:49 Athena Cordero
And I have to go back to work now, right?
00:31:53 Athena Cordero
Like I heard what you said in all your efforts and it was done well.
00:31:58 Athena Cordero
I could agree it was done well.
00:32:00 Athena Cordero
The presentation, how I heard this information was delivered in a way that I felt like, oh, I couldn't have did that, right?
00:32:05 Athena Cordero
But now I'm still having to deal with how I feel about it and go back to work.
00:32:11 Athena Cordero
How could that person now use
00:32:13 Athena Cordero
emotional intelligence to go back into their individual workspace.
00:32:18 Tarron Riley
Step number one, self-awareness.
00:32:20 Athena Cordero
Okay.
00:32:20 Tarron Riley
How do you feel?
00:32:21 Tarron Riley
Do you feel scared?
00:32:23 Tarron Riley
Because labeling the emotion is a prerequisite for developing or utilizing strategies to manage it.
00:32:32 Athena Cordero
You have to know what you're trying to do.
00:32:33 Athena Cordero
Right, okay.
00:32:34 Tarron Riley
Right, right.
00:32:35 Tarron Riley
And so we always talk about, you know, having to, being able to name it before you can tame it, right?
00:32:40 Tarron Riley
So what is it first?
00:32:41 Tarron Riley
So it always goes back to square one.
00:32:43 Tarron Riley
How do I feel?
00:32:45 Tarron Riley
Am I scared?
00:32:46 Tarron Riley
Because if I'm scared or fearful, that may be required different strategies versus, you know, me feeling angry, you know, or I'm peeved, or maybe I feel betrayed.
00:32:58 Tarron Riley
okay, I'm going to deal with feelings of betrayal differently than I do, feeling, anxious or something like that.
00:33:05 Tarron Riley
So #1 is always, how do I feel leaving this meeting?
00:33:08 Athena Cordero
Right.
00:33:09 Tarron Riley
Now, once I identify the feeling, what strategies can I use to kind of regulate so that I can go into the next experience appropriately?
00:33:20 Tarron Riley
right?
00:33:20 Tarron Riley
And so it's about having the recognition, the awareness, then using appropriate strategies, but then also knowing how do I have to shift in order to now go, I have to do my own presentation or facilitate a training, or I have to talk to a parent, or, you know, I have to sit in a conference, whatever the case may be.
00:33:39 Tarron Riley
And so then it's preparation to shift to that next
00:33:43 Tarron Riley
you know, emotional realm that you need to be in.
00:33:46 Tarron Riley
And that's all EI in, you know, at play.
00:33:50 Athena Cordero
I see, because I'm thinking now sometimes, sometimes organizations will give staff bad news at the end of the day, and then they go home to their families, right?
00:34:00 Athena Cordero
So I can see how emotional intelligence now, you can use that transitioning home to your loved ones.
00:34:08 Athena Cordero
You just got something heavy, you're mad.
00:34:11 Athena Cordero
It's going to be more maybe work or stress for you.
00:34:14 Athena Cordero
And what do we do?
00:34:15 Athena Cordero
Go home, kick the dog?
00:34:16 Athena Cordero
Like, what do you do, right?
00:34:17 Athena Cordero
If you're going to use this, if you're going to use this, you can kind of walk yourself through how am I feeling now after hearing that?
00:34:24 Athena Cordero
Who do I want to be to go home to my family?
00:34:27 Athena Cordero
Which zone do I need to be?
00:34:28 Athena Cordero
Am I going home to cook?
00:34:29 Athena Cordero
Are we going to soccer practice?
00:34:31 Athena Cordero
Where do I want to be?
00:34:32 Athena Cordero
So it can benefit your personal relationships.
00:34:37 Athena Cordero
as well as a workplace all throughout your day.
00:34:41 Tarron Riley
1000%.
00:34:41 Tarron Riley
So here's an example.
00:34:44 Tarron Riley
Last weekend, I took my son out, my youngest, to go play golf.
00:34:50 Tarron Riley
He requested to play golf.
00:34:52 Tarron Riley
He developed an interest.
00:34:54 Tarron Riley
sudden interest in playing golf and trying out for the golf team.
00:34:57 Athena Cordero
Okay.
00:34:59 Tarron Riley
I've been waiting for that moment all of my life.
00:35:00 Athena Cordero
I was gonna say, how excited were you to run with?
00:35:03 Tarron Riley
Super yellow zone.
00:35:04 Tarron Riley
Super yellow zone.
00:35:05 Athena Cordero
Got it.
00:35:06 Tarron Riley
So we arrive at the course and I notice, and I'll emphasize notice as in that's an EI ability, right?
00:35:14 Tarron Riley
I noticed that he was a little moody, right?
00:35:19 Tarron Riley
He seemed to be
00:35:20 Tarron Riley
like going from red to blue, red to blue, both of those are unpleasant feelings.
00:35:26 Athena Cordero
Right.
00:35:26 Tarron Riley
Then he was feeling like he didn't have energy.
00:35:29 Tarron Riley
Then he was like feeling like he was kind of displaying that he was irritated and annoyed.
00:35:34 Tarron Riley
And so I decided to kind of check in with him and I say, hey, what's going on?
00:35:39 Tarron Riley
And he says,
00:35:41 Tarron Riley
he was frustrated of not hitting the ball right and his performance, he didn't like that.
00:35:45 Tarron Riley
But then he started to get into the underlying issues like, yeah, I was up too late last night.
00:35:49 Tarron Riley
I didn't get a lot of sleep.
00:35:51 Tarron Riley
And, you know, he started kind of complaining about different things.
00:35:55 Tarron Riley
But it started to show up in the golf experience.
00:35:59 Tarron Riley
And then I noticed that I would shift it from yellow, because I was excited about this experience.
00:36:05 Tarron Riley
Oh, man, like big time.
00:36:07 Tarron Riley
And I was thrusted over into red.
00:36:10 Tarron Riley
So my thought process was, okay, here's this rare opportunity for me to have a positive experience, which I wanted to create for him.
00:36:18 Tarron Riley
I wanted to be like these teaching moments where I'm correcting things and creating stress because, you know, then he develops, you know, he doesn't develop an interest in it, you know, any further, right?
00:36:29 Tarron Riley
So I was very, very mindful about that.
00:36:32 Tarron Riley
So I had to utilize the self-awareness piece of, oh man, I'm in the red.
00:36:36 Tarron Riley
I have to make a decision.
00:36:38 Tarron Riley
Do I want to try to address him being in the red or being in the blue and this energy that he's bringing?
00:36:44 Tarron Riley
If I do that, I'm going to risk triggering him.
00:36:48 Tarron Riley
And then it's going to create an overall, you know, experience that, you know, I'll regret, you know, later as a dad kind of a thing.
00:36:57 Tarron Riley
And so I made a decision.
00:36:58 Tarron Riley
My strategy was to, you know, just down regulate, sit with my irritation because it was valid.
00:37:06 Tarron Riley
long story, but I said, I'm gonna sit with it.
00:37:10 Tarron Riley
I'm not gonna do anything.
00:37:11 Tarron Riley
I'll let him just kind of go through his emotional experience and see if he can kind of figure it out over the first several holes.
00:37:17 Tarron Riley
By the time we got to the 10th hole, he had hit some good shots and I decided to play some music, you know, in there.
00:37:25 Tarron Riley
That kind of, that lightened the mood up a little bit too.
00:37:27 Tarron Riley
And eventually he shifted on his own from red over to yellow.
00:37:34 Athena Cordero
Okay.
00:37:35 Tarron Riley
Then he was going yellow, green, yellow, green, because he still had lower energy at times, but he was in a good mood.
00:37:39 Athena Cordero
Yeah.
00:37:40 Tarron Riley
Then he was back up to yellow.
00:37:41 Athena Cordero
Gotcha.
00:37:42 Tarron Riley
And so once he shifted over, I shifted back over to yellow, just because I was appreciating how he was and how he kind of just worked through it.
00:37:52 Tarron Riley
And then it was self-reinforcing because I was able to regulate, because I was irritated.
00:37:57 Athena Cordero
Yeah.
00:37:57 Tarron Riley
I was irritated.
00:37:58 Athena Cordero
Because this was supposed to be a good day.
00:38:00 Tarron Riley
Supposed to be good.
00:38:01 Tarron Riley
And he was bringing us energy and all this stuff.
00:38:04 Tarron Riley
And golf for me is supposed to be fun relaxing.
00:38:06 Tarron Riley
You got trees you got squirrels you got nature You got grass you got sunlight.
00:38:11 Tarron Riley
It's like a perfect combination.
00:38:13 Tarron Riley
What are you upset about right right right so because I I felt that I was successful in Identifying recognizing how he was and noticed when I was triggered.
00:38:24 Tarron Riley
That's one of the things that I always say In the self-awareness when you notice that you're triggered the paradigm shift is
00:38:34 Tarron Riley
shifting from reaction to basically pausing and not reacting to an impulse that you have when you're triggered in the red zone.
00:38:45 Athena Cordero
Okay.
00:38:45 Tarron Riley
So I always say, create space between the trigger and the tongue.
00:38:50 Athena Cordero
Okay.
00:38:50 Tarron Riley
When we get in the red zone.
00:38:52 Athena Cordero
Got it.
00:38:52 Tarron Riley
I think that's one of the best things that we can do is create the space.
00:38:55 Tarron Riley
And when I say space, I mean like space and time or sometimes physical space.
00:39:00 Athena Cordero
Right.
00:39:00 Tarron Riley
So when I'm triggered in the red,
00:39:02 Tarron Riley
before I react, I need to create some space, meaning pause, separate, distance, and then come back later when I'm in a better space.
00:39:11 Athena Cordero
Okay.
00:39:11 Tarron Riley
So I was able to do that, but I didn't have to really go back and address because we both shifted and everything just kind of worked itself out.
00:39:20 Tarron Riley
But it's the recognition of where the other person is, recognition, the self-awareness of where you are, and then having strategies to manage, you know, where
00:39:31 Tarron Riley
to manage what you're experiencing in that moment based on what your expectations of the outcome is.
00:39:36 Athena Cordero
Right.
00:39:37 Athena Cordero
So now I'm curious because as we're going through this, I think I've got a good grasp on the zones, what you can do in each one of those as far as tasks, pausing, recognizing, going back and forth between them.
00:39:53 Athena Cordero
But you talked a lot about the shift and things to do to shift.
00:39:57 Athena Cordero
How do we know what to do?
00:39:59 Athena Cordero
You know, if we would like to take ourselves from red to blue or, you know, I'm too much in the yellow and the people I'm talking to right now are not.
00:40:09 Athena Cordero
How do I know how to shift?
00:40:13 Athena Cordero
What strategies?
00:40:15 Athena Cordero
I'm thinking of some things that I know I can do, but if we're already not a person who's good at labeling the emotion,
00:40:23 Athena Cordero
Where do we go? You know, how could we figure out some strategies for ourselves to shift back and forth between these?
00:40:28 Tarron Riley
Well, I think being attuned to your inner voice and that inner dialogue, pay attention to what you're saying to yourself and then notice where that dialogue is placing you.
00:40:41 Athena Cordero
Okay.
00:40:42 Tarron Riley
That inner voice, is that exacerbating or elevating your anxiety or your fear or your distrust?
00:40:54 Tarron Riley
If that's the case, then that's what we have to target, right? The inner voice, the inner dialogue.
00:41:01 Athena Cordero
No, you're right, because as you're saying that, when I'm in the red, what I say to myself, what I say to my mind, are words I wouldn't say on this podcast, you know? If I'm in the yellow even, and I'm in a good mood and people around me are not, y'all could be in a bad mood, I'm in a great mood, so the things I'm saying to myself,
00:41:22 Athena Cordero
to let them be where they are, but you're not going to bring me there. You're right, they're different.
00:41:26 Tarron Riley
And that's a strategy, though. You just said you're recognizing your inner voice, and you're recognizing what zone that inner voice is putting you in. You're recognizing the social environment and what zone they're in, and that you're not going to allow that situation to trigger you or force you to shift into a space that you don't want to be in.
00:41:49 Tarron Riley
So you made a conscious decision based on your recognition of how you were feeling, what you were thinking and where you were at. Right. That is a strategy.
00:41:57 Athena Cordero
Okay, and I wouldn't have known, I wouldn't have thought about it like that.
00:42:00 Tarron Riley
Yeah, but the other thing is true too, is that when people are in a space where they don't want to be and they're not recognizing that what they're saying is keeping them in that space and they're not acknowledging or recognizing the space that they need to get in and therefore they don't have the strategies
00:42:18 Tarron Riley
to transition because they never had the awareness of that. They're perpetuating.
00:42:22 Athena Cordero
They're just feeding it.
00:42:23 Tarron Riley
They're feeding it. They're feeding. They're perpetuating that reality.
00:42:26 Athena Cordero
Okay. So say someone's hearing this and they're going, that makes a lot of sense. I want to get started, right? Like I want to try to start doing this. What's just one practical step, maybe one or two that they could do today to just get started with this?
00:42:45 Tarron Riley
I would say
00:42:47 Tarron Riley
you know, download the mood meter. Okay, right to practice a self-awareness skill. Print out an emotional vocabulary sheet that has a list of all the different emotions so that you can practice, you know, identifying your emotions and being able to label them accurately. And so infusing the two, building emotional vocabulary in addition to just starting with building your own self-awareness, because that's the that's the thing you walk around with
00:43:17 Tarron Riley
every day, every second, yourself. And so you're full of opportunities to recognize how you're experiencing emotion.
00:43:25 Athena Cordero
Yeah, the data's literally in your hands, right?
00:43:29 Tarron Riley
Constantly. So people just don't pay attention to that. And that will be, in my opinion, an example of having low EI. If you're not knowing how you're showing up or how you're feeling in a moment,
00:43:42 Tarron Riley
then you're missing the first valuable skill of self-awareness, recognizing how you feel. So I would say the first tool and skill would be practice self-awareness, checking in. And one way to do that from a practical standpoint, you know, there's an app that I have that I think it's an EI app and it's really, really great. And it's called How We Feel.
00:44:04 Athena Cordero
Okay.
00:44:05 Tarron Riley
It's an emotional intelligence app. And it also does, it says
00:44:10 Tarron Riley
It's an emotional wellness journal.
00:44:12 Athena Cordero
Okay.
00:44:13 Tarron Riley
But it pops up all the time. Check in how you feel. And it has all the quadrants, all the colors, it has the, gives you all the emotional, yeah, the vocabulary, the labels.
00:44:23 Tarron Riley
And then you can indicate why you're there, how did you get there? So that's that understanding piece. What caused you to feel the way that you feel? Okay, now we're priming ourselves to be able to develop strategies. And then it gives you strategies and walkthrough as well. So that's something, a practical tool that people can use to help with the self-awareness and the other skills and abilities as well.
00:44:44 Athena Cordero
That's awesome. So I guess now, because it sounds like such a healthy, such a positive
00:44:53 Athena Cordero
way to go about your day, your interactions with people, your goals, your work. If you could, you know, apply this, like sprinkle some emotional intelligence, some EI fairy dust over everyone, how do you think that would change or impact like the future of work and relationships just in society?
00:45:17 Tarron Riley
Well, I think it will have a great impact because emotions, the EI is about emotions and relationships. And relationships make the world go round, right? I mean, at least I think so. And it's about, you know, communication. It's about emotion regulation. It's about interpersonal skills and interacting with other people. It's about connecting with others.
00:45:42 Tarron Riley
which involves a certain level of empathy, I'm sorry, intimacy, which requires a certain level of empathy. And so I wanted to, we didn't talk much about empathy, but that's also very, very, very important, right, in interpersonal skills and emotion regulation. And being in that blue zone is a place you actually want to be if you want to be able to connect and empathize with somebody else's misfortune or their experience in general. So yeah, I think
00:46:11 Tarron Riley
The more emotionally intelligent schools we have, the more emotionally intelligent organizations and teams that we have, the better off we'll be.
00:46:22 Athena Cordero
I agree. And you're right. I'm thinking now you're taking us back to thinking about empathy. Someone explained it to me before as, you know, if you're trying to empathize with somebody, it's like feeling their pain in your heart.
00:46:38 Athena Cordero
or feeling what they're feeling in your body, at least trying to. You're not going to exactly, right? They're going to have their own experience, but you're trying to feel what they're feeling in the moment. I do feel like in our everyday life, it takes me back to that first example I was thinking of, the bubbles above people.
00:46:57 Tarron Riley
Yeah, I like that.
00:46:57 Athena Cordero
I bump into you.
00:46:59 Athena Cordero
And I don't know what's going on. You don't know what's going on. But if I for a second put myself in a space to think, you might be going through something. I'm just going to say, excuse me and keep going. I don't really have to know, right? I don't have to know what it is. But.
00:47:15 Athena Cordero
Practicing the empathy would help with those interactions and produce a much more positive Outcome than if we weren't practicing, right?
00:47:24 Tarron Riley
Absolutely And I think that that's if there's one big takeaway from all of this in terms of how do I grow or evolve or or develop ei skills? That's the key word is practice. Yeah I've learned or experienced that many people They get information or they have high IQ
00:47:44 Tarron Riley
right? And they have understanding, but they don't have daily application. And daily application is what leads to long-term transformation. So we have to have daily application for long-term transformation. In other words, we're not going to have that end result that we want long-term and be transformed and be effective and have positive outcomes if we're not applying
00:48:10 Tarron Riley
and practicing on a daily basis. It doesn't just happen overnight. And so I'm a firm believer in we have to see these experiences, conflict, and things like that as opportunities, not opportunities to react and retaliate, but opportunities for me to hone and practice my skills. So that's the paradigm shift.
00:48:34 Athena Cordero
I appreciate that, Tarron. I have one more very important question. Whose golf game is better, you or your side?
00:48:41 Tarron Riley
Well, neither one of us are good, but I've been playing much longer, that's for sure. I need to get less as myself.
00:48:48 Athena Cordero
Okay.
00:48:48 Tarron Riley
But I possess enough experience to...
00:48:52 Tarron Riley
kind of create a positive learning experience for him to a certain degree, but I think we both need to get lessons.
00:48:57 Athena Cordero
Got you.
00:48:58 Tarron Riley
It's all about being out there together and kind of learning and having fun and spending the time.
00:49:02 Athena Cordero
That's awesome. That's awesome. I'm glad you guys have that. All right. This has been super informative, very, very helpful. I think you gave folks some really good strategies to try.
00:49:12 Athena Cordero
But definitely downloading the, what is it again? How we feel?
00:49:16 Tarron Riley
How we feel app, emotional intelligence.
00:49:18 Athena Cordero
And the mood meter.
00:49:20 Tarron Riley
The mood meter. Perfect. To practice self-awareness.
00:49:22 Athena Cordero
Perfect.
00:49:22 Tarron Riley
That's just for starters.
00:49:23 Athena Cordero
Yeah, I mean, but that's a good, that's a great first start, first step to trying this and practicing forever, like you said.
00:49:30 Tarron Riley
Yeah.
00:49:31 Athena Cordero
Thank you so much, Tarron. I appreciate it.
00:49:32 Tarron Riley
My pleasure. My pleasure.
01:02:28 Outro
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01:02:36 Outro
You are not alone.
01:02:39 Outro
If it's an emergency, please call 911.
01:02:42 Outro
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Remember, taking the first step to ask for help is a sign of strength.
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Take care of yourself and take care of each other.
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Until next time, be well.
01:03:25 Outro
See you next time.
